Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Star of Krippendorf's Tribe Finally Capitulates to Public Pleas to Speak His Mind on Hot Political Concerns

Oh Richard Dreyfus, (may I call you Dick?) I would really like to thank you for calling a press conference to let us know what you think of President Bush. Because we were dying to know...

whether you were still alive or not. We - the American public - care about you - I mean really care about you. We think about you practically constantly. I didn't know where you had gone. I surmised you had been eaten by seals in the Arctic. Then a friend of mine told me that, no, you died from a cocaine overdose. Turns out we were both wrong. You had been working all along on films like, "The Day Reagan Was Shot" and the made for TV movie, "Coast to Coast." You were busy playing Dicky Pilager in a film loosely based on the political life of Democratic First Lady Hillary Clinton and boy-toy-turned-corpse Vince Foster in, "Silver City". All brilliant productions, I'm sure. I just didn't see them, nor do I know anyone who did.
Then, like the resurrection of a new Messiah, you showed up one day to let us know what you think of President Bush and his policies.
Says the genius/actor who won an Oscar for the line, "I don't like the panties hanging on the rod,"
"Watch me lose my sense of humor if people accuse me of treason, 'That's not very O'Reilly of you, Mister Smarty-Pants,' or 'What would Sean Hannity have to say about that, Mister Too-Complex-for-Your-Own-Good?'"
I don't really understand the point you were trying to make, there. Are you saying that Bill O'Reilly thinks your pants are smart? Or that Sean Hannity thinks you are too complex for your own good? Yes. I bet Mr. Hannity thinks that - as we all do. Often I find myself sipping a Pimms No. 1 Cup and thinking, "Wow. That Richard Dreyfus is just too complex for his own good. Waaaaaaay too complex. Much more complex than my dog, Zack. Much more complex than Jessica Simpson or the actor who played Nicholas Bradford on 'Eight is Enough'." But we all know that it takes a complex mind to make a living playing make believe. It takes a huge amount of smarts to regurgitate lines written down in script format - particularly when you are dressed like a nerdy music teacher who's striving to find deeper meaning to his life. What a stretch that must have been for you.
Well, kudos to you Mr. Smarty Pants! Kudos for giving the American President a piece of your very complex mind. We've been waiting to know. We all had our collective breaths held in anticipation. The Shelmickedmu would say, "Jagga banga!" which roughly translates as, "More pigs than you can imagine," and I think that sums it up quite nicely.


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