Sunday, March 26, 2006

Celebrity Heroes Spotlight: Eye on Dick Belzer!

What a talent! What a brain! Yes! It's Richard "Dick" Belzer! You've seen him in numerous TV shows and celebrity roasts. Belzer rose to the top after years of doing Shecky Greene routines. According to his bio he was a social misfit and was kicked out of every school he ever attended due to his lack of ability to concentrate. After the six years it took Richard to graduate high school he attended junior college where he majored in theater. His reading disability came back to haunt him when he learned that unless you are a needed and talented athlete, junior college requires a sixth grade reading level prerequisite- even with a theater major. He dropped out before the year was up. Dick tried his hand at comedy. One night after seeing Dick perform, his father (Charles) committed suicide.

Dick didn't let his fragile build and lack of intellectual success stop him, he went on to pay someone to ghost write a few books. One touching on a subject very close to his heart, "UFO's, JFK, and Elvis: Conspiracies You Don't Have To Be Crazy To Believe" (Ballantine Books, 1999). Dick has had not one, not two but three successful marriages! And while sometimes he gets knocked down Dick will always hire his lawyer to get him back up again! Wrestler Hulk Hogan hurt him while demonstrating a wrestling move on a 1986 TV show called 'Hot Properties'. He was knocked unconscious and required stitches on his head. He sued Hulk for $5 million, but later settled out of court. Due to excessive wimpiness, Mr. Belzer has difficulty doing anything requiring physical activity and in a twist of irony was recently injured again when Hulk Hogan's daughter accidentally hit him in the face with her hair when she turned her head. Mr. Belzer was knocked unconscious and taken to the hospital where he recieved three stitches in the face. He has not decided whether he will sue Ms. Hogan or not, fearing her father may again kick his ass for real this time.

Mr. Belzer claims that he knows more than any of the soldiers in Iraq because he "reads" 20 newspapers a day and they don't. Okay Dick - we believe you, *wink wink*. But that's our Dick! He lives to make us laugh - whether the joke is on him or not.


Anonymous TM said...

Dick has no degree. Yet he is smarter than the troops who have no degree? And smarter than the ones who do have a degree? And he is smarter than George Bush, who has a degree from Harvard AND Yale?

2:40 PM  
Blogger RR said...

Dick Ballser is the smartest man ALIVE!! Why do I say that? Because he can knock off Shecky Greene jokes like it's nobody's business. Do you think the Shrub could do that? Hells no. So Bush may have fancy degrees from ivey league schools -it takes REAL brains to stick it to the man by flunking out of junior college. TAKE THAT establishment!

8:12 AM  

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