Thursday, May 04, 2006

Love & The Big Idea

Former ad man and current TV host Donny Douche made out with former US Presidential candidate, John Kerry on his show “The Big Idea” Tuesday night. “So, John,” began the interview, “I have to say, you look so good tonight.” Then he moved closer on the couch. “What’s your secret? Who does your hair?” he asked, sifting Kerry’s silvery threads through his fingers. “Well, Donny, I did my own hair today. Do you like it?” Donny moved a little closer – almost uncomfortably invading Senator Kerry’s personal space. Senator Kerry didn’t know what he was feeling; excited, nervous, tantalized, teased and frightened all at once. “I’m not making you nervous, am I, John?" Douche asked confidently. Senator Kerry pursed his lips and licked them, trying to hide his trembling anxiety, “Yes, Donny. But … it’s just those french fry warmer lights you have in this studio. I’m a little … hot.” Donny motioned to his stage manager with a quick nod. “Fred! Fred! Dim those Fresnel’s a little. Mr. Kerry is roasting up here! So what are you and Teresa up to?” Maybe it was the way he said “Teresa” – half sarcastic in his best faux Euro-trash accent. It was like a taunt, almost – a dare; Ta-RAIS-ah. “We’re fine. We’re doing what we do. You know how it goes: ketchup, mustard, relish, 57 varieties.” Donny raised an eyebrow and let go of the Senator’s silvery locks. His hand fell, resting on his shoulder. “So, you and Senator Clinton – are you friends?” “Yes!” said Kerry with a burst. “We’re… good friends.” He was unconvincing. His voice wavered as if he had to think about it, “Really. We are. I swear.” Donny looked into the Massachusetts Senator’s expressive eyes. “I love you…’re style.” The Senator licked his lips. He could no longer fight it. “Oh, what the hell!” he said, resigning himself to temptation. He could feel shockwaves throughout his lanky body the minute Donny’s lips touched his. He slightly parted them enjoying the moist invitation of Douche’s tongue. Then Donny pulled away quickly. "Well, that's all we have for this show," he stated. "Join me again when my guest will be Chuck Schumer - the other Senator from New York - the sexy one." With that, Senator Kerry felt heat envelop his body from head to toe. Was it envy? Maybe, but then that's just the politics of love and public relations.


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