Keith Olbermann: Working Hard Toward Relevancy

In hopes of becoming relevant, Keith Olbermann wrote a book emulating the styles of best-sellers Ann Coulter and former CBS reporter Bernard Goldberg. Mr. Olbermann, a former sports reporter for ESPN, currently hosts the MSNBC show, "Countdown" which enjoys a .06 rating. That makes "Countdown" tied for first place on MSNBC with Chris Matthews' show and 221st place in all of cable! So with his flaming success why write a book? "Because I'm really smart and people should know how smart I am. Also, because a .01 bump in the ratings would help like heck right now."
The book is somewhat controversial in that it names his rival, Bill O'Reilly, the "worst person in the world" ahead of and Abu Musab al-Zarqawi and Osama bin Laden, who has been responsible for at least 6 of the biggest attacks on the United States in the past 13 years, (WTC in 1993, the US embassies in Nairobi, Kenya and Dar es Salaam, Tanzania in 1998, the USS Cole in 2000 and the infamous attacks on the WTC and Pentagon on September 11th 2001.) When Keith was asked why, he replied, "Because that bastard is keeping me from owning the prime time slot in cable! He is totally why my show isn't #1. Oh, and Ann Coulter? I asked her out after she and Maher broke up and she told me to shove it. Me! Can you believe that? I'm much better looking than Bill Maher! What do I need - to hang out in the grotto at the Playboy mansion to get that bitch's attention?"

Mr. Olbermann earned widespread credibility as a non-biased reporter when he quit MSNBC because they "forced" him to report on the Clinton sexual harrassment case. He claimed it "sickened" him to have to say anything negative about the President of the United States of America. The reporting of the scandal would, "make me ashamed, make me depressed, make me cry," said the very sensitive Olbermann. He came back to MSNBC because, "I've changed. I revel in taking cheap shots at the President of the United States now. I don't know why - I just really do, I guess. But it has nothing whatsoever to do with bias."

Keith is also a winner when it comes to having friends! Of good friend and collegue Rita Cosby he stated, "Rita's nice, but dumber than a suitcase of rocks." And Keith is so good at finding opportunities for publicity that the day following Peter Jennings’s death from lung cancer, Olbermann had a brainstorm. He decided, "Cancer! What a GREAT way to get attention!" And revealed on-air that he had a fibrous tumor removed from his palate just 10 days earlier. Mind you, the tumor was benign, but Keith's adage is, "You have to strike the iron when it's hot! Like hurricanes, cancer stories move a lot of ad space for the news right now. And it's a great way for people to automatically think you're not an asshole even if you are. It was like my way of saying, 'See people? PJ and I, me and PJ.' [crossing his index and middle finger]"

While Zarqawi may have trained others in the use of ricin for possible attacks in Europe, ran a "terrorist haven" in Kurdish northern Iraq, organized the bombing of a Baghdad hotel which took 22 lives and personally beheaded hostages Ken Bigley and Nick Berg, we progressives agree with Olbermann: O'Reilly and Coulter are much much worse!