Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Alec Baldwin Says, "If you can't stand the heat, there's no shame in running away like a little girl!"

Alec Baldwin was 30 minutes into a guest spot on the Brian Whitman show on WABC when Sean Hannity called in, "Are you the guy that said of our vice president, while we're at war, while we're leading troops in harm's way - are you the reckless, third-rate Hollywood actor who said that Dick Cheney is a terrorist? Are you the guy . . " Baldwin replied, "Yes, I am." Hannity continued, "who said to stone Henry Hyde to death? Are you the guy who said our president is a CIA mass murderer? I wanted you to come on the program and defend that, you gutless coward."
Baldwin, "No. I won't. You're hateful! Hateful! And you'd better stop it or I'll tell my mommy." Talk radio host Mark Levin joined in, "We've only just begun - are you 40 or 50 pounds overweight now?" Then Hannity chimed in, "Once and for all you need to be challenged. You want to call our vice president a terrorist - fine. You want to talk about stoning people to death, say it on my program. If you want to be irresponsible and call our president a mass murderer while he's at war leading troops in harm's way ..." To which the highly intelligent Baldwin replied, "And what are you gonna do about it, Sean Hannity? Huh? I've got the whole Academy of Arts and Sciences on my side, I've got Rosie O'Donnell on my side and believe me - her nuts are hairier than yours and mine put together!" The brilliant Mr. Baldwin went on with perhaps his wittiest comeback to date, "And what are you gonna do? And what are you going to do about it, Sean Hannity. If I come on your program, what are you going to do? Huh? I'm askin' you a question! What are you going to do, Mr. Long Island Man." Levin interjected, "You have a two-digit IQ." Before scampering out of the room not to return, Mr. Baldwin pointed out that once upon a time Sean Hannity did construction work, and that made him an inferior person. Alec never had to work construction. Mr. Baldwin receives an Oscar gift bag each year worth nearly $20,000, flies around in a private jet regularly, gets whatever table he wants whenever he wants at his favorite restaurant and can beat the hell out of any woman who gets in his way. What a man!


Anonymous Col Cushenberry said...

Dear Sir,

I am writing to express my disapproval of your methods in the strongest possible manner. No longer can I stand idly by and say nothing as you continue to post the most vile and slanderous of subjects. I am of course referring to your picture of a topless woman in a dress.

Sir, this sort of thing can have nothing but the worst of effect on the man-children of both ourselves, and our servants. Many a young lad in the throes of unfamiliar passions is often times consumed with heretofore-unknown urges and compulsions to do things with and to… Ahhh, I can say no more. Let it be enough to say the Holy Scripture of the Good Book forbids us in the strongest possible terms from ever spilling our seed upon the ground. Are you not familiar with Genesis 38 and the story of Onan, Tamar, and Judah? Surely, a young man such as yourself was not sleeping through every Sunday school sermon.

Sir, I may have entered into the autumn of my years, and am well into the winter of my discontent with the state of affairs in our great republic. But you would be well advised to heed my words when I say it is not for nothing that in my earlier years I was known as “Hickory Stick Jack.” Be as you are now, forewarned as to both my reputation and prowess, you may better appreciate and understand the words of the Lord, which I may so reverentially and respectfully quote both to and for your edification.

Proverbs 22:15
Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child;
The rod of discipline will remove it far from him.

I trust that you will henceforth retire to your chambers, meditate upon what I have told you, and emerge with a newfound respect for propriety, decency, and modesty.

Yours truly,

Colonel Hiram Horatio Cushenberry, 4th Dragoons Battalion, 127th Regiment, Retired

10:05 PM  
Blogger The Exorcist said...

You've got chops, babe. Keep up the good work.

6:56 PM  
Blogger The Exorcist said...

You've got chops, babe. Keep up the good work.

6:56 PM  

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