Monday, April 03, 2006

Director's Crappy Movie Failed Because of Bush Administration

The man who directed the original "Basic Instinct" says that "Basic Instinct 2" flopped because of the Bush administration. Paul Verhoeven stated that because, "Anything that is erotic has been banned in the United States," people were forbidden to see "Basic Instinct 2" and that is the only reason it shared 10th place with "Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector" grossing only $3.2 million this opening weekend. "People had to risk being put in concentration camps or locked up in the Guantanamo Bay facility if they wanted to purchase tickets to this movie. If they didn't want to risk that, then they would go and see that Ice Age movie with Ray Romano. They were scared." The Dutch director who has chosen to make the U.S. his permanent home went on, "Look at the people at the top. We are living under a government that is constantly hammering out Christian values. You don't see George Bush sticking cigars up any young large womans lollerpop, do you? You don't see George Bush asking Paula Jones for blowjob, do you? You don't see George Bush asking Babs Streisand for that either, do you? Or any other finalists at the Phyllis Diller lookalike contest. Or... well, you get the point, yes? That is what is wrong with the President of America. He is loyal to his wife. What a shame," a distraught Verhoeven told the Hollywood Reporter. "And Christianity and sex have never been good friends." The director may have a point, given that most Christian births simply and inexplicably happen through osmosis, whereas secular progressives tend to get pregnant via sperm and egg - or "the old fashioned way". The director of such classics as, "Voorbij, Voorbij", "Showgirls" and "Celebrity Naked Ambition" has made his opinions clear about Christians, stating, "... the whole Christian religion is a major symptom of schizophrenia in half the world's population: civilizations scrambling to rationalize their chaotic existence. Subsequently, Christianity has a tendency to look like magic or the occult."

No one has yet heard from Michael Caton-Jones, the director of "Basic Instinct 2."


Anonymous Elmer Fudd-Gantry said...

There is something to be said for the Christian way of pro-creating. I speak from personal experience of course. When I was a young man with a young wife, our marital bed was a never ending tryst of torrid sex, soiled linen, and squabling over who would sleep in the wet spot.

After I became a Born-Again Born-Again Christian (we are a small splinter sect) I ceased to have sex with my wife. None the less, she has given birth to three wonderful children that were a joy, yet surprise. My wife insisted on naming them Jamal, Jesus, and Mao. I am not sure why she choose the names she did, but they certainly do fit.

So I suppose I have the best of both worlds. Three wonderful (yet puzzlingly different looking) children, and no more wet spots to sleep in.

8:18 PM  
Anonymous elmer fudd-gantry said...

I have just been informed by my wife that she is pregnant again. Hoorah! She told me that she intends to name the child "Cletus" if it is a boy, and "Daisey" if it is a girl.

The miraculous blessings of the Lord are many and mysterious.

Wish me luck!

1:32 PM  
Blogger RR said...

Congratulations on your wife's pregnancy! My devoutly Christian mother somehow had 6 of us. She never explained how - but we knew it couldn't have been "the old fashioned way" because Christians not only hate sex, but it is against their religion. Plus - hello - She's my MOM!

5:15 PM  
Blogger The Exorcist said...

You're growing on me, darlin. But, then again, so is this fungus thingy on my toe...

7:44 PM  
Blogger The Exorcist said...

You're growin on me, darlin. But, then again, so is this fungus thingy on my toe.

7:46 PM  

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