Thursday, November 30, 2006

Danny "DeVino" DeVito: Proud to be Drunken White Trash!

Danny DeVito appeared on TV show "The View" yesterday morning in a drunken stupor after a night of heavy partying with pal George Clooney. After he stumbled onto the set, he started ranting about how he had, "been at the White House during the Clinton... uh, the Clinton... time?" DeVito then launched into a boozy yet comedically brilliant rant against President George W. Bush. "Bluh, bluh bluh bluh bluh bluh bluh bluh, blee blee blee blee blee blee blee blee," said the former star of "Taxi", "Dum duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh dee dee mum mum mum mum mum mum blee blee blee blee," while Rosie O'Donnell laughed like her inner 3-year-old.

The diminutive former star also bragged that he and his wife Rhea Perlman made sure to "utilize every surface available" in the famous Lincoln Bedroom while they were guests of the Clintons. Said Mr. DeVito, "We did it everywhere in the Lincoln bedroom if ya know what I mean." Elisabeth Hasselbeck was trying politely not to vomit in her mouth when he continued, "We made it our business to wreck everything in the joint. I gave it to uRhea hard and many times with my 2 inch l'il smokey." Barbara Walters later divulged that she has, "seen many things in this world; hyenas feasting on dead gizelles in the rift valley, a woman with a goiter 3 times the size of a balloon, Fidel Castro nude, but the visual of DeVito and Perlman 'doing it' will cost me a few extra sessions at my therapist's."

Mr. DeVito's publicist Stan Rosenfield said that his client has requested Walters' phone number and that he would say "what needed to be said privately" to her. Ms. Walters' response? "As long is it doesn't conjure ANY and I mean ANY images of him or his wife doing ANYTHING without clothes... ANYTHING."


Anonymous Moonchild said...

I wept tears of sweet joy when I saw this earlier this week. There's no country in the world where our celebrity superiors can express their sweaty, passionate sexual freedoms in the home of the nation's leader then freely express actue political analysis on the nation's premier intellectual talk show. That Mr. DeVito did both while falling-down drunk only adds to its remarkability.

Of course, this is no way means this nation is 'better'. It just makes it different.

I hope Mr. DeVito isn't persecuted for expressing an opinion which is not often heard on the nation's airwaves, but I believe the President(sic) has received kid glove treatment in the media for too long.

5:23 AM  

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