Friday, July 21, 2006

Oliver Stone’s “World Trade Center” - Good if You Like Total Fiction

Every educated non-neocon knows that Bush and company orchestrated the 9/11 attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. Everyone except Oliver Stone apparently.
In his latest work, “World Trade Center” he tells the story of some firefighters who get caught up in the whole hullaballoo trying to save people and what not blah blah blah on that day.

I remember that day vividly as well but not because America finally got what it deserved for voting for the Shrub, (the few that actually did vote for him, that is.) I remember that day because I was in London and arranged to meet this cute young guy (he was 19! How exciting!) face to face that I had previously met online back in the States. He said he was going to meet me at Bar Italia on 5th Street. I waited and waited but he never showed. Blah blah blah America was attacked, blah blah blah the WTC towers came down – but I was really bummed that my 19 year old hottie never showed and I never saw any action the whole time I was in London. I hauled my cookies all the way to LONDON for this! Then I had to wait until we could finally fly back to the US.
Thanks Shrubya.
I just don’t’ get it. Does Oliver Stone actually care what American audiences think? Or does he and the studio need the receipts that patriotic, *barf* American audiences deliver? Is the studio system that desperate for money? You know things are bad when National Review Online editor Kathryn Jean Lopez writes:
“…It’s about a Marine who will drop everything to return to service. It’s about a team of rescue workers who will leave no man to die. It’s about our deep, abiding faith in God. It’s about our love of family, and the work we’ll do for them, and the joy they bring us. It’s about the irreplaceable, incomparable bond between a man and wife.”
Disgusting. We all know marines care about killing and raping and they will take every opportunity to do that they can. Our deep abiding faith in God, you say? What God, I say! The one that leaves little children to die at the hands of the unprovoked and savage Israelis? That God? The one that FOUNDED Israel to begin with? Oh and the love of family – you’ve got to be kidding me. Like my family? My old drunk father coming home at all hours of the night after being literally thrown out of Stand up Franks – stumbling through the door just so he could smack us around? Tell me about your God, family and marines, Mr. Stone. Frankly I expected more from a fellow conspiracy theorist and hemp lover such as yourself. Frankly I think you need to get an education neo-con Stone, before we Lieberman your ass too! Do you need the money? Well, I’m going to officially send you a quarter so you can call someone who cares!

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

"The Good Body" by Eve Ensler: A Celebrity Heroes Review!

Hi everyone, (well the 2 of you that comment here). It’s me, Ronnie Richter-Quegle (alias rr) your Celebrity Heroes blogger doing my first review! My theater company – the Coon Rapids Players, (we jokingly call ourselves, “the Coon Rapids Playas, yo!” because we’re down like that!) were thinking of doing Eve Ensler’s latest ingenious work “The Good Body”, given the previous success we had with our version of “The Vagina Monologues” back in January. Coon Rapids may not have been ready for the word “vagina” to be uttered publicly but we gave it to them – boy howdy - and had quite an audience! And they paid $5 a head admission at that! Not only that, but I gotta hand it to our very own CR player, Jim Larssen. What a good sport he was to dress up like Julianne Moore, get up in front of an audience and say, “I love hair. I mean.... hair vagina, hair is vagina, the vagina is hair, I‘d like a lot more hair. Actually I’m a redhead and everything is red. I mean it’s just red, red , red, red, red, red, red.” He brought the house down doing it, to boot! By the by – a big shout out to the women of the Minneapolis Fire Department and the entire women's’ Gopher Basketball team as they came out in full to lend their support! Thank you ladies!
Well, Eve has done it again. She’s written yet another groundbreaker that promises to raise awareness about how insecure we women feel about our own bodies. She may have well called it “The Stomach Monologues” but instead called it, “The Good Body”. Rather than focusing on Eve’s vagina and how stinky, crusty, saggy, scabby and hairy it is, this time she focuses on how much she hates her stomach: how it craves food that goes straight to the thighs, (boy! Can I relate! No need to ingest – just strap-er-on to the old saddlebags!) how it growls when it’s hungry and how unsightly it can be when in a swimsuit. It’s educational too as she mentions that women around the world have their own ways of adhering to feminine cultural standards of beauty. For instance: did you know that women in the Orient have doctors surgically put creases in their eyelids? Or that Iranian women get nose jobs to look less Iranian? Did you know that women in the 1950’s wore girdles? It’s all TRUE! And today – as more women get botox, liposuction and boob jobs – we need to like ourselves and be okay with whom we are. So what if we’re over 40! So what if we have thin lips! Eve says all of that is okay because beauty comes in all shapes and sizes and we need to just give ourselves a great big hug and get over it already! I really love Eve and feel like she’s my best friend sometimes because when I’m on my third Twinkie and can’t fit into my jeans, I stand in front of my full-length mirror and tell myself, “Girl powers activate!” and not only go ahead and eat that Twinkie – but finish off a pint of Hagen Dazs just to spite the patriarchal world in which we live. Tawanda!

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Fat Joe Speaks to Progressive Bitches and Hos

Feminist stomachs jumped in anticipation when they heard that Fat Joe was going to speak at the Campus Progress National Student Conference in Washington on July 12th. While chain-walletted ladies with buzz cut tops and full armpits swooned in their Birkenstocks, Fat Joe greeted his audience, “Yo bitches! Where my real niggaz at?” The crowd went crazy. When asked how he felt about women in hip-hop the progressive rapper replied, I think they're bitches and hos."
One attendee of the conference responded to Fat Joe's appearance this way, "He's like the smartest person I've like ever seen speak at the conference. And, like he totally influences young people like us. He's like even smarter than Kanye West. Really. And Kanye cares about this country, too. They like both totally do. He also said like people shouldn't vote for Bush anymore and he's totally right."
Said Campus Progress organizer and blogger David H., "I'm fairly confident that Bush won't win the next election. We're using our smartest most progressive voices such as Fat Joe to relay that message to the people. And by the way, he's just stating the obvious; Women are mostly bitches and hos. I ought to know. I've dated like two of them - well, if you count that girl I kissed on a dare once at camp when I was twelve."