Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Alec Baldwin Says, "If you can't stand the heat, there's no shame in running away like a little girl!"

Alec Baldwin was 30 minutes into a guest spot on the Brian Whitman show on WABC when Sean Hannity called in, "Are you the guy that said of our vice president, while we're at war, while we're leading troops in harm's way - are you the reckless, third-rate Hollywood actor who said that Dick Cheney is a terrorist? Are you the guy . . " Baldwin replied, "Yes, I am." Hannity continued, "who said to stone Henry Hyde to death? Are you the guy who said our president is a CIA mass murderer? I wanted you to come on the program and defend that, you gutless coward."
Baldwin, "No. I won't. You're hateful! Hateful! And you'd better stop it or I'll tell my mommy." Talk radio host Mark Levin joined in, "We've only just begun - are you 40 or 50 pounds overweight now?" Then Hannity chimed in, "Once and for all you need to be challenged. You want to call our vice president a terrorist - fine. You want to talk about stoning people to death, say it on my program. If you want to be irresponsible and call our president a mass murderer while he's at war leading troops in harm's way ..." To which the highly intelligent Baldwin replied, "And what are you gonna do about it, Sean Hannity? Huh? I've got the whole Academy of Arts and Sciences on my side, I've got Rosie O'Donnell on my side and believe me - her nuts are hairier than yours and mine put together!" The brilliant Mr. Baldwin went on with perhaps his wittiest comeback to date, "And what are you gonna do? And what are you going to do about it, Sean Hannity. If I come on your program, what are you going to do? Huh? I'm askin' you a question! What are you going to do, Mr. Long Island Man." Levin interjected, "You have a two-digit IQ." Before scampering out of the room not to return, Mr. Baldwin pointed out that once upon a time Sean Hannity did construction work, and that made him an inferior person. Alec never had to work construction. Mr. Baldwin receives an Oscar gift bag each year worth nearly $20,000, flies around in a private jet regularly, gets whatever table he wants whenever he wants at his favorite restaurant and can beat the hell out of any woman who gets in his way. What a man!

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Celebrity Heroes Spotlight: Eye on Dick Belzer!

What a talent! What a brain! Yes! It's Richard "Dick" Belzer! You've seen him in numerous TV shows and celebrity roasts. Belzer rose to the top after years of doing Shecky Greene routines. According to his bio he was a social misfit and was kicked out of every school he ever attended due to his lack of ability to concentrate. After the six years it took Richard to graduate high school he attended junior college where he majored in theater. His reading disability came back to haunt him when he learned that unless you are a needed and talented athlete, junior college requires a sixth grade reading level prerequisite- even with a theater major. He dropped out before the year was up. Dick tried his hand at comedy. One night after seeing Dick perform, his father (Charles) committed suicide.

Dick didn't let his fragile build and lack of intellectual success stop him, he went on to pay someone to ghost write a few books. One touching on a subject very close to his heart, "UFO's, JFK, and Elvis: Conspiracies You Don't Have To Be Crazy To Believe" (Ballantine Books, 1999). Dick has had not one, not two but three successful marriages! And while sometimes he gets knocked down Dick will always hire his lawyer to get him back up again! Wrestler Hulk Hogan hurt him while demonstrating a wrestling move on a 1986 TV show called 'Hot Properties'. He was knocked unconscious and required stitches on his head. He sued Hulk for $5 million, but later settled out of court. Due to excessive wimpiness, Mr. Belzer has difficulty doing anything requiring physical activity and in a twist of irony was recently injured again when Hulk Hogan's daughter accidentally hit him in the face with her hair when she turned her head. Mr. Belzer was knocked unconscious and taken to the hospital where he recieved three stitches in the face. He has not decided whether he will sue Ms. Hogan or not, fearing her father may again kick his ass for real this time.

Mr. Belzer claims that he knows more than any of the soldiers in Iraq because he "reads" 20 newspapers a day and they don't. Okay Dick - we believe you, *wink wink*. But that's our Dick! He lives to make us laugh - whether the joke is on him or not.

Saturday, March 25, 2006

Erica Jong Bravely Declares, Bush is a Dictator, We Live in a Theocracy & Charlie Sheen is a True Patriot

When "Showbiz 2-Nite's" investigative entertainment reporter, A.J. Hammer asked "Erica Jong to comment on the theory that 9/11 was an inside job, she replied, "I think it`s very patriotic to investigate it. Throughout all of history the basic premise of tyrants has been -- dictators, shall we say. And I think it`s fair to say that George W. Bush is a dictator. Has been if you tell the people they have an external enemy, they`ll follow you anywhere." Imparting her extensive knowledge of the history of the Third Reich she noted, "That was what Goebbels told Hitler to do." But it's easy to make the comparison between Bush and Hitler, given Bush's establishment of work camps for people who openly disagree with his policies and Bush's $4.3 billion in aid to Africa, (Hitler was big on foreign aid - particularly to non-white continents/countries). Jong went on to criticize Bush's declaration to jail those who refuse to attend church and follow his call to prayer every morning from his bully pulpit/White House balcony. Risking death she said, "I think that he is a dictator. Most of the people do not believe that this country should be a theocracy." She criticized his staunch opposition to school vouchers and social security reform, "Most of the people in this country are pro choice. And yet, he blithely goes on ignoring the will of the people. I call that a dictator."

On the fun side of the interview was her sexy admission that she did - in fact - screw Martha Stewart's then husband, Andy, "I did something really stupid at the Frankfurt book fair but hey, it was a quarter century ago. I was only 55 years old. Ahhhh. The indescretions of youth." ...and the many gallons of liquor that Mr. Stewart had to injest to get those beer goggles on!

Friday, March 24, 2006

"Call Me Insane, but George Bush did 9/11." Says Actor Charlie Sheen.

Like his famous father, the "Two and a Half Men” star won’t be duped by whatever the Bush administration uses to put forth their wacky agenda-driven propaganda – particularly when it pertains to the big 9/11 lie, "I was up early and we were gonna do a pre-shoot on Spin City, the show I used to do, I was watching the news and the north tower was burning. I saw the south tower hit live, that famous wide shot where it disappears behind the building and then we see the tremendous fireball," says the actor best known for frequenting prostitutes and beating his ex-wives and girlfriends.
"There was a feeling, it just didn't look any commercial jetliner I've flown on any time in my life,” Like most movie-star families who care about energy conservation, the Sheen family only flies commercial. All of the Sheens have engineering degrees and pilot licenses and are experts on how a Boeing 767 is able to maneuver in the air - particularly when the pilot's goal is to kill everyone aboard. "Show us this incredible maneuvering, just show it to us. Just show us how this particular plane pulled off these maneuvers. 270 degree turn at 500 miles and hour descending 7,000 feet in two and a half minutes, skimming across treetops the last 500 meters." He said, addressing the many treetops that were skimmed before slamming into the South Tower of the World Trade Center.
“…later on that day I said to my brother 'call me insane, but did it sorta look like those buildings came down in a controlled demolition'?” Despite multiple witness accounts and the 125 people who died in the Pentagon and their loved ones and co-workers, the 64 who died on the plane that hit the Pentagon (flight 77,) as well as the phone calls made from flight 77 from the plane, Sheen also questioned whether a plane actually hit the Pentagon.
"It is up to us to reveal the truth. It is up to us because we owe it to the families, we owe it to the victims. We owe it to everybody's life who was drastically altered, horrifically that day and forever. We owe it to them to uncover what happened. Now if you’ll excuse me I have a date with a hooker. She’s going to let me beat her with a bag of oranges." We believe you Charlie just as you believe in the little bugs that crawl all over your bedroom walls and body after a regular night out with the gang!

Friday, March 17, 2006

Georgia Senate: Not "Fonda" Jane

The lovely and bulimic nymphomaniac actress who burst onto the scene in the film "Barbarella" is in the news again. Now it's because the Georgia Senate nearly uninimously defeated a resolution that would have officially honored her charity work in that state. No, we're not talking about all of the free blow jobs she's given out to Ted Turner's pals and the elder statesmen of the Atlanta Braves baseball team - The resolution cited the Atlanta resident's work as founder of the Georgia Campaign for Free Third Trimester Abortions, donations to universities, and acting Goodwill Ambassador to the United Nations - waiving her $35 per hand job fee for Kofi Annan for a straight month. "I can think of no living American who is less worthy of this honor," "She is as guilty of treason as Benedict Arnold and Tokyo Rose," said Republican Sen. John Douglas, referring to Ms. Fonda's trip supporting the North Vietnamese during the Vietnam conflict in 1972.

The effort was defeated 38-1.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Hatred is Not an Isaac Hayes Value: Legendary Singer/Cartoon Voice Quits "South Park" Due to Scientology Intolerance

After 10 years and 150 episodes, Isaac Hayes has finally called it quits on “South Park”. Hayes' character Jerome "Chef" McElroy first appeared in the beloved long-running cartoon in the episode, “Cartman Gets an Anal Probe” and since has given us some great moments. He regaled us with tunes like, “Chocolate Salty Balls”, “The Prostitute Song” and his touching love song to Kathy Lee Gifford.
A devout Scientologist, Mr. Hayes quit after the child friendly cartoon took a turn for the intolerant when it aired the episode, “Trapped in the Closet” in which the character Stan is believed to be the reincarnation of Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard. There is a place in this world for satire, but there is a time when satire ends, and intolerance and bigotry towards religious beliefs of others begins." "As a civil rights activist of the past 40 years I cannot support a show that disrespects those beliefs and practices."

Trapped in the Closet” was the first time South Park creators satirized a religion. They have deliberately stayed away from controversial issues – particularly dealing with religion – out of respect for the faith-based community at large. Among the groups they have not made fun of: Christians, Muslims, Mormons and Jews. Since its debut in 1996, South Park has won praise and an Emmy award for a satirical wit far outstripping most American television shows. Says co-creator Matt Stone, "To bring the civil rights struggle into this is just a non sequitur. Of course, we will release Isaac from his contract and we wish him well."

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Norman Mailer Says, “Hey Stupid America! You’re Dumb! Come On Over To Our Side!”

"Every night, Karl Rove prays that 52% of America stays stupid! grrrrrowwwwwumph!! Are we on? uuuuuuuuu uuhhhhhomph!!" Norman Mailer said while battling serious phlegm at a New York Society for Ethical Culture forum on March 2nd. Mailer and the guy who played Dylan from “90210” (pictured together,) have been running from network to network to promote a book they wrote together entitled, “The Big Empty: Dialogues on Politics, Sex, God, Boxing, Morality, Myth, Poker and Bad Conscience in America”. "It makes Americans feel good Owwwwwumph!! to fly a flag whenever something uuuuuuuuuhhmmmph bad happens.” “Democracy is not something you inject into a sick country and make it well. Uuuuuhhhhhhhooooumph!! Wow! Does anyone have a tissue handy?” He stated regarding the Bush administration's decision to democratize Iraq.

Mailer then ran to the Leonard Lopate show addressing what he termed the "dissonance and ill-humor" that exists in America now, "50 years ago we on the left used to laugh and laugh and we were so happy -uuuuuuwaaaahumph!! Jeez! [at] how stupid the opposition was and we laughed. And we’re still laughing." One reason for that prevalent dissonant feeling in America? "The greediness and emptiness of the corporations – the emptiness and the lack of moral ethos in the administration," said Mailer who has been married six times, and stabbed his second wife Adele Morales with a penknife at a party for not bringing him a martini quickly enough.

But the topic wasn’t all politics on the Lopate show. The Octogenarian was candid about what it sometimes feels like to be elderly and disoriented, “You drop us from an airplane and we don’t’ know if we’re in Cincinnati or Omaha, – and we used to.”

Norman Mailer first gained notoriety for being one of thousands who banged Marilyn Monroe in the 1950’s and has been a longtime activist for social justice. Always on the right side of the issues, his activism led to the parole of convicted killer Jack Abbott in 1980 who murdered someone approximately ten minutes after being released, was convicted again, and returned to prison. Mr. Mailer is author of the books, "The Executioner's Song" and "The Naked and The Dead" among many others of note, mostly written in the 1970's or earlier.

Monday, March 13, 2006

The Cloonster: He’s not Just a Mimbo, He’s a Proud Liberal

I am a liberal. And I make no apologies for it. Hell, I'm proud of it.”
He said, after being seriously maligned by his comrades in Hollywood for fighting to get the movies, "Syrianna" and "Good Night and Good Luck" distributed. “Too many people run away from the label. They whisper it like you'd whisper ‘I'm a Nazi.’ Like it's dirty word.” And it certainly is in Hollywood. Look at all of the Bush supporters in the Hollywood community. They continue to make millions and millions of dollars – their films are the only ones lauded with awards – their actors the only ones given Oscar gift bags.
But Mr. Clooney will not be silenced when it comes to discussing today’s hot topics, bravely addressing the need to outlaw “Jim Crow” laws and give women the right to vote, “But turn away from saying ‘I'm a liberal’ and it's like you're turning away from saying that blacks should be allowed to sit in the front of the bus that women should be able to vote and get paid the same as a man," Wow. Take that, Conservatives! He's speaking about today's hot political injustices - not still cashing in on Lincoln freeing the slaves or Eisenhower's sending the National Guard to defend the "Little Rock Nine" - which happened years ago - and which conservatives still trot out to make their case for being an historically "progressive" party.
"The fear of been criticized can be paralyzing. Just look at the way so many Democrats caved in the run up to the war. In 2003, a lot of us were saying, where is the link between Saddam and bin Laden? What does Iraq have to do with 9/11? We knew it was bullshit." Mr. Clooney stated. He knew there were no weapons of mass destruction, why didn't the Clintons, John Kerry or France? I'll tell you why. Unlike the Clintons, John Kerry or France, Mr. Clooney is not so afraid that he will stick his head in the sand and pretend everything is okay just because it's fashionable. It was that simple, that plain and that easy.

Foreign policy is his hobby when he's not acting. And he has a gift. We all can see it - he just knows things. Despite so-called proof - the Cloonster knows there were no terror training camps in Iraq. No threat to the U.S.A. - the country that Clooney loves so deeply. Saddam Hussein was good to his people and Iraq was a stable, happy place until the evil Bush empire thrust Democracy onto them against their will.

In short he summarizes, "Bottom line: it's not merely our right to question our government, it's our duty." A message to those trying to silence or bully him: don't. Because he won't shut up for anyone.

Jacko Tries to Move On, But Neverland Employees Just Won't Leave Him Alone

Nothing seems to get Jacko down; not the police who hound him constantly over alleged child molestation charges, not the stalker “Billie Jean Jackson” who claimed to be Jacko’s wife from her padded cell, not his gut-wrenchingly sad divorce from Lisa Marie Presley – a marriage we were all rooting for – not even his nose that can’t seem to stay attached to his face. Poor Michael Jackson has been afflicted with so much pain and suffering in his life that it’s a wonder he’s still so together about it all.

The ever optimistic Michael Jackson seems undaunted by recent events at home in Neverland, and threats of a possible lawsuit filed by the State of California. While Jacko tries to get on with his life, shuttling in and out of Manama, Bahrain, courtesy of Prince Abdullah, Neverland employees are trying to extort him, (via lawsuit,) out of $500,000 of back pay and fines they say he owes them. They are accusing Michael Jackson of not paying them for three months of work and blaming him for being dropped from their health insurance. Dean Fryer, state Department of Industrial Relations spokesman told the Associated Press: "People are telling me they haven't been paid from Dec. 19." At that time, Jackson was four weeks behind with the payroll and there was a fear that the staff would not be able to celebrate the holidays that follow December 23rd – whatever those holidays may be. In the meantime, Jackson had the Prince fly in about a dozen friends on his dime, and gave them each lots of expensive and simply fabulous presents that would make the Oscar gift bags look like a child’s Halloween booty!

Jacko was out when a news source reported that, "Michael is here and he's happy. He doesn't want to get into bad things going on at home. That part of his life is over." Good for you Mikey! We hope he can finally find a nice girl and settle down, too.

Friday, March 10, 2006

Good Advice From Shamed Journalist Hero!

Discredited CBS anchorman Dan Rather, who stepped down in the wake of “memo-gate”, said the press "ought to be doing a better job." "American journalism is in need of a spine transplant," Rather told about 600 people at the Star Forum at Cherry Hill High School West in Cherry Hill, New Jersey on Wednesday. The newsman proposed "Rather's rules," saying reporters should “try passing off more bogus documents as real IF it will unseat a Republican politician." He said the media should offer less so-called “facts” and "more phony documents.“ “Some are bound to get through unchecked. Why not give it a whirl if it advances your political cause?" He addressed what went wrong with the career-ending "memo-gate," "Our problem was that we got lazy. We didn’t hone our document reproduction skills. We never had to check and see whether or not government issued typewriters from 1972 came standard with a superscript key before. We’d been getting away with it for so long we didn’t feel we needed to.”
Rather said media improvement was needed for society's well-being.
"American journalism at its best is a public trust and is deeply bound up in our system of checks and balances," he said. “But to hell with checks and balances if you, personally know what’s right.”

Rather was the final speaker in the Star Forum's 13-year run. Other speakers included Roger Ebert, Bill Clinton, Goldie Hawn and Desmond Tutu.

The SS Used German Shepherds, but Gene Simmons Prefers Rottweillers

Shock-rocker Gene Simmons showed his anti-French Poodle bias by saying, "If I go through a neighborhood, I don`t want a little French poodle," Displaying his xenophobic neo-Nazi tendencies he added,"I think the world has become a bad neighborhood. "It`s good to have a Rottweiler in office. I strongly support him,"(meaning President Bush.)

When interviewed on CNN's "Anderson Cooper 360" Anderson asked, "More and more celebrities speaking out about the war. Gene, is that their place? How do you feel about it all?" Simmons replied, "Well, I think celebrities are wonderful, and I think you should always take the political point of view of somebody who lives in Malibu seriously." Do I detect a note of sarcasm directed toward our pal Babs Streisand? Well, Gene, maybe real celebrity heroes like Babs Streisand, Joan Baez and Peter Yarrow think there's nothing wrong with French Poodles. At least they know how to roll over, lie down or play dead if they're attacked - and we all know that's the peaceful solution to all the problems of the world.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Tim McGraw & Faith Hill - They May Look & Talk Like it but Turns Out They're Not Just Hillbillies!

Unlike Toby Keith who wrote the anthem for xenophobes, "Courtesy of the Red, White & Blue", or Lee Greenwood who proclaimed his Hitlerian tendencies by penning the nationalistic, "God Bless the U.S.A" singing, "I'm proud to be an American," there are two actual country singers who really DO love the U.S.A. Their names? Tim McGraw and Faith Hill. In a world where it is considered crass to lay blame during a crisis, Mr. McGraw found the courage to speak out against President Bush's failings regarding Hurricane Katrina.
"There's no reason why someone can't go down there who's supposed to be the leader of the free world … and say, 'I'm giving you a job to do and I'm not leaving here until it's done. And you're held accountable, and you're held accountable, and you're held accountable. This is what I've given you to do, and if it's not done by the time I get back on my plane, then you're fired and someone else will be in your place. '" That was Mr. McGraw's advice for President Bush. His brilliant wife merely said, "I fear for my country." and then added in a very ladylike tone, "This situation is Bullshit!"
They make a great point. It is actually in the President's job description to personally inspect every dam and every levee that might flood a town that lays 5 to 10 feet below sea level and provide as much money as possible to fund the repairs. It also clearly states in his job description that "...if the money that is given by the federal government to fix the levees and dams is spent on other projects, (such as highways,) then the governing bodies at the state level will remain blameless until they are provided even more federal money. The money shall not cease until the proper repairs are made and if those repairs are not made it shall still remain the fault of the President of the United States for not personally firing, hiring, picking up a hammer and building, driving any buses that might be used for evacuation, and micro-managing everyone on the ground."
Says Hill, "I fear for our country if we can't handle our people [during] a natural disaster. It doesn't take a brain surgeon to figure out point A to point B. . . . And they can't even skip from point A to point B."
And this beautiful community college dropout is practically a Rhodes Scholar on the subject of what does not require a brain surgeon's intelligence.

After Hurricane Isabel made landfall in 2003, our president was so woefully inept that he failed to evacuate any of the inhabitants off of the islands of the Outer Banks. Now all of Nags Head is condemned. After four hurricanes slammed Florida's coast in 2004, the poorest and most Demmocratic areas of Martin County, (which was hit directly 3 times in a row,) are uninhabitable. But who knows this better than the Hill-McGraw family? They once hailed from places near large bodies of water and and that makes them experts.

What's most comforting, is that McGraw expressed his own political aspirations when he told Time magazine, "I want to run for the Senate from Tennessee … Not now, but when I'm 50, when the music dies down." "Wouldn't Faith make a great senator's wife?" We think she would make the perfect trophy wife, Tim!

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

A True American Hero is Proud to be Out of Touch

...and uneducated. Yes, that's right: uneducated. So what that the Cloonster didn't finish one year of college. What's the big deal? Our educational system is just another institution first instituted by a bunch of rich white guys designed to keep people propagandized so its properly propagandized people will continue doing the evil American capitalist whore's bidding; unlike Hollywood. Hollywood is the last frontier of good in the United States. Do they care about making money? Absolutely not! Do they care about their Oscar Gift Bags worth more than what you could feed the country of Kenya for a year? Certainly not! Do you think they are so vapid and shallow as to ever throw a fit in public if they don't get their favorite table at their favorite restaurant? Do you think George Clooney acts in films for money? So what that he flies around in his private jet and has a villa in Lake Como, Italy? "Everyone should," he says. Many a Bubba and Bubbette from Mississippi would benefit from having a villa in Lake Como if they would ever click off the WWE long enough to think about something other than the good ole U. S. of A. But they won't because it would threaten their xenophobic hegemony!
The Cloonster knows this. It's not that they can't buy a villa in Lake Como, it's that they refuse to.
"We're the ones who talked about AIDS when it was just being whispered, And we talked about civil rights when it wasn't really popular. This academy — this group of people — gave Hattie McDaniel an Oscar in 1939 when blacks were still sitting in the backs of theaters. I'm proud to be a part of this academy, proud to be part of this community, and proud to be out of touch."

Forward thinking Hollywood not only gave Hattie McDaniel an Oscar, but they cast her in a role that broke from African American stereotypes of the time. She was first cast as Scarlett O'Hara but was re-cast as Scarlett's chief council, "Mammy" after Hattie's own insistence. They re-wrote the dialogue so that "Mammy" wouldn't sound like an hysterical minstral-show reject, "It ain't fittin!.. It ain't fittin'! It jes ain't fittin'!" was the new, more sophisticated Hollywood dialogue written just for Ms. McDaniel.

When Southern Seperatist Democrats were firehosing and sicking dogs on peaceful civil rights demonstrators there was Elizabeth Taylor, Sandra Dee and nearly every other "star" of the time right there on the front lines getting attacked. When Bobby Kennedy issued the order to wiretap Dr. Martin Luther King, you can bet that Rosey Clooney threatened that she would no longer provide oral sex for the Attorney General if he continued to bug Dr. King.
Remember when Rock Hudson came out? And when he bravely announced to the world, "I have AIDS" and how Hollywood rallied behind him by not refusing to kiss or do love scenes with him on "Dynasty"? Then the next year, (1985) they made "Philadelphia" at a time when people were only whispering the word, "AIDS".
Remember how Harry Hamlin's movie career took off after his role as Bart McGuire (a gay man) in "Making Love"? He now commands nearly $10 million dollars for starring roles in Hollywood blockbusters.
You would never see a Hollywood actress pose in a magazine that touts itself as "A Magazine for Men," such as Playboy. And you will never see Hollywood promote breast implants, plastic surgery, botox or face lifts because - unlike corporate America - women in Hollywood have long-range careers and are valued regardless of the way they look or their age.
And remember all of the telethons and fund raisers put on by Hollywood? They did it just to raise money. They would have preferred to have just written checks - without the need for self-aggrandizing publicity. That embarrasses Hollywood - because Hollywood is anything but self-aggrandizing.
I hate to tell you, but Mr. Clooney is right, and as Dick Dreyfus pointed out - he's a hero to say so.
The parenthesis of this country is empty... void of any intelligence, culture, gentility, villas in Italy. And he should know; he's so intelligent that he only needed a partial year at the University of Kentucky to develop the boundless wit and knowledge of cultural history with which he has been naturally endowed.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Star of Krippendorf's Tribe Finally Capitulates to Public Pleas to Speak His Mind on Hot Political Concerns

Oh Richard Dreyfus, (may I call you Dick?) I would really like to thank you for calling a press conference to let us know what you think of President Bush. Because we were dying to know...

whether you were still alive or not. We - the American public - care about you - I mean really care about you. We think about you practically constantly. I didn't know where you had gone. I surmised you had been eaten by seals in the Arctic. Then a friend of mine told me that, no, you died from a cocaine overdose. Turns out we were both wrong. You had been working all along on films like, "The Day Reagan Was Shot" and the made for TV movie, "Coast to Coast." You were busy playing Dicky Pilager in a film loosely based on the political life of Democratic First Lady Hillary Clinton and boy-toy-turned-corpse Vince Foster in, "Silver City". All brilliant productions, I'm sure. I just didn't see them, nor do I know anyone who did.
Then, like the resurrection of a new Messiah, you showed up one day to let us know what you think of President Bush and his policies.
Says the genius/actor who won an Oscar for the line, "I don't like the panties hanging on the rod,"
"Watch me lose my sense of humor if people accuse me of treason, 'That's not very O'Reilly of you, Mister Smarty-Pants,' or 'What would Sean Hannity have to say about that, Mister Too-Complex-for-Your-Own-Good?'"
I don't really understand the point you were trying to make, there. Are you saying that Bill O'Reilly thinks your pants are smart? Or that Sean Hannity thinks you are too complex for your own good? Yes. I bet Mr. Hannity thinks that - as we all do. Often I find myself sipping a Pimms No. 1 Cup and thinking, "Wow. That Richard Dreyfus is just too complex for his own good. Waaaaaaay too complex. Much more complex than my dog, Zack. Much more complex than Jessica Simpson or the actor who played Nicholas Bradford on 'Eight is Enough'." But we all know that it takes a complex mind to make a living playing make believe. It takes a huge amount of smarts to regurgitate lines written down in script format - particularly when you are dressed like a nerdy music teacher who's striving to find deeper meaning to his life. What a stretch that must have been for you.
Well, kudos to you Mr. Smarty Pants! Kudos for giving the American President a piece of your very complex mind. We've been waiting to know. We all had our collective breaths held in anticipation. The Shelmickedmu would say, "Jagga banga!" which roughly translates as, "More pigs than you can imagine," and I think that sums it up quite nicely.

Babs Streisand (inset) and her eco-frendly ocean-side mansion.

Thank Gaia we have sumwon like Barbra Strysand on our side! A) she's rilly smart B) she makes a good kase for inny fite aginst stoopid peeple like George Bush. C) she rilly nos wot shee's talking about wenever she talks about sumthing. Take for example her latest dia-tribe aginst George Bush. She wrrites: "Over the last 5 years, Bush's leadership has resembled that of a dictatorship. The arrogance of this C student who maligns his opponents’ crediblity by calling them flip floppers, is the biggest flip flopper himself!" Notise how she klevverly mocks George Bush's C-averige grade point averige! Do yoo no wyy she duz that? Becuz SHE CAN! SHE, ladees an d gentelmen, is the very defeanishun of SMART!! Now I dunno whare she wint to Kollege, but I'm shure she has a Masters Degree or sumthing or at leest wint to Stanford or Kolumbia. All of us are much smarter than those dumm neo-con Hitlers. So wot if Bush haz an MBA from harvird! His dad prolly took tha test for him 2 git in. Here is more from the grate mind that is Babs strysand: "When debating Al Gore during the 2000 presidential elections, Bush spoke against nation building, yet went into Irag a year later to national build " I don't evin no where Irag is (and I googled it but nothing came up accept Barbra's website adn Google asking me, "Did you mean Iraq?".) But I no it must have oil becuz Bush invadid it - and becuz Barbra said so. And yoo can bet that Bush is still national building. "Now, more than four years after the worst attack on American soil, Bush and his adminstration have yet to capture Osama bin Laden, the person responsible for 9/11." Babs kares more about the war on terror than this adminstration. But doesn't that goe without saying? Bush shuld have caught OBL by now - Babs would have. She caught that Ryan O'Neal charakter in "What's Up Doc" and it only took her an our and a haff. I wonce had a friend who werked at a concert for Babs. It clearly states in her ryder "no I Kontact at inny time from the pee-ons!" He had the nerrv to look her in the eye for a full second. She had him fired. So wot if he had a new wife and baby to support?! You kin bet that Babs wuld have caught Osama by now and without wiretapping any AL Kiiida members or violating their rites!! I just wanted to say Thank U Barbra. You arr a troo patriot and so incridiblee brave for speeking out aginst this dictatoshp we call the "Bush Adminstration" and his illegal national building in Irag.